It's 2012!

It's been almost 2 months since i last post on this blog. Had been busy with my birthday celebrations, christmas and new year's parties....

I feel so blessed to celebrate my birthday with my loved ones and friends. As usual, it lasted almost 2 wks... Really appreciate all the dinners and gifts.. Well, looking back, God has been really good to me. Without Him, i would never be able to be what i am today.

Someone asked me why i stopped posting on 24th of the month? Well, i had decided before my dear hubby's 2nd anniversary on 24 oct 2011 to stop posting every month as it brings back lots of sad memories. I still miss and think of him very much on every 24th, esp on christmas eve as it was one of paul's favourite day of the year but life has to go on. He is already in paradise and i know i'll meet him someday and since i am here on this temporary world, why not try to live well. There are plenty of people out there who needs help and life is not just about clinging on to someone. I love him and i know he wants me to be happy.

Praise God for mum's super speedy recovery. Mum has decided she is well enough to go back to her own home on 31 December. Though she still needs to rest and walks with the help of the walking stick now, i thank God that He has healed her so quickly.

I am looking forward to our yearly trip to the orphanage in vietnam in February. This time, we'll be visiting 3 different orphanage in 5days. I was doing the powerpoint for last year's trip and when i saw the pictures of the kids, i feel sad especially when i saw the photo i was holding the blind girl's hands. She had tumour in the brain. I hope she's still around when we visit the orphanage in feb and I am looking forward to seeing her again. Sometimes i feel sad that people do not treasure their lives. I remembered how badly my dear hubby wanted to have another chance to live when he had the relapse and was told there was no cure. Why must people take their lives so lightly? Whenever i visit the children cancer patients, i feel so sad for them.... Well, i pray that all of us(including myself) will treasure our lives and whenever we are down and out, try to think of others who are less privileged than us and who wish they are as healthy as us...

Eldest Aunt had gone home with the Lord on 17 December and i thank God that she did not suffer too much pain like other cancer patients. I pray that Pauline will be strong and know that her mum is in a much better place and able to let go and move on.

People come and go.... though we don't get to see eldest aunt on this earth anymore, i thank God for the 2 new members in the Yong family. I just want to be able to give thanks in all circumstances; good or bad... though it's very difficult but i just want to depend on God to achieve this...

In 2012, may God bless all 105ians with double portion of good health, wealth, wisdom, discernment, love, peace and joy. Let His Light continues to shine in this lovely home!

Mum's amazing super speedy recovery

It's amazing how fast Mum is recuperating from this major surgery. She was discharged after 5 days instead of 7days. She has been staying with us since her discharge and is walking pretty well with the assistance of the walker. Maureen and I brought her to Dr Ngian on Monday for removal of the stitches and Dr Ngian said she's very well. Praise God! To me, it's a miracle that at mum's age, she is doing so well so soon. We know it's God's grace and prayers truly work!

105ians will go ahead with our trip to Hua Hing this coming 24-28Nov. We were hesitant initially not just due to the flooding problem in bangkok but was concerned about mum being alone with the two maids. Now that she's coping so well, we can go and enjoy ourselves in peace.

Thank God for everything!

Mum's hip replacement operation

Mum had a total left hip replacement operation yesterday at Gleneagles hospital. According to the surgeon, mum must have had a very bad fall more than 2 years ago as her hip bone was cracked so badly. Mum's threshold of pain was so high that she could withstand the pain until so long. She had been having pain relief injections regularly but it only lasted couple of weeks and when she started to have severe pain and could hardly walk 2 weeks ago, she finally saw a bone specialist and after several tests and x-rays, Dr Ngian told her she needs to be operated ASAP. Initially her plan was to wait till end nov or early dec but the pain was so unbearable that she finally agreed to be operated.

We are grateful for all the prayers and we knew and trusted that God's Mighty Hands were on Dr Ngian and his group of other doctors and nurses. The operation lasted approximately 3 hours and according to Dr Ngian, it was a success and mum looked great and though inevitably felt some pain, discomfort and hunger, it was amazing that at her age, she could look this great immediately after a major op. Glory be to God.

We are very happy that Joel has agreed to stay overnight at the hospital to accompany mama every night. We were shocked that he has grown so sensible and thoughtful and we thank God for him.

Well, it's going to be a long aftercare journey for mum as dr Ngian said it'll take about 6 months for her to be fully recovered. She'll be staying with us after her discharge and we have to bring her for regular physio therapy. 105ians will continue to stay united and may Our Loving Father bless mum with a super speedy recovery.

Paul's 2nd anniversary

Today is my dear hubby's 2nd anniversary. I miss him very much.. Though i kept reminding myself not to think too much but somehow i can't help thinking of him, someone i love and adore, someone who shared so much good and bad times with me, someone who gave me so much love and stood by me during the worst time of my life.....

I want to thank 105ians for visiting the niche with me yesterday and held a short prayer. I pray for God's strength for me to continue to live my life well, meaningful and most importantly, have the wisdom and discernment. Sometimes I get carried away with the earthly stuffs and I pray for forgiveness and thank God for His grace and mercy.

On this very sad day for me, i just want to share some of my darling's memory here...

(still strong and healthy)

(though a very temperamental person, Paul was a very filial son)

(celebrated his 50th birthday; he was in the midst of his chemotherapy but was still very strong & positive)

(a short trip to KL over the weekend)

(a miracle that he was able to travel to Malaysia for church retreat during his relapse. Nevertheless, he was always cheerful and positive despite not being able to consume orally and was on liquid feeds thru the tube)

(last photo with son Ryan before he went into coma)

(2nd anniversary obituary on 24 Oct 2011)

I will always love you....

Lily

24th anniversary

Today is exactly dad's 24th anniversary. I am currently in hong kong now and can't post any photos but just want to share my feeling on this man whom I adore and love. Dad had always been my inspiration and it's because of him that I wanted to succeed very badly when I was young. He had left us 24 years ago but in my heart, he's forever close.

I believe he's having a great time in paradise with my hubby, ah kong, ah Ma, ah shun and some of his friends and i know we'll meet again some day..

I love you, father...
Lily

23 months

Today is exactly 23 months my hubby had left me and gone home with the Lord. I can't believe it's coming to 2 years that I last held him, spoke to him, nursed him..... I wonder how is he now? He must be very happy in paradise. No more worries, stress, work, wrinkles, hairloss, sickness, pain, sorrows etc etc etc... Sometimes I am angry that he had to leave me so soon even though deep down inside my heart I know everything happens for a reason... I know If given a choice, he would want to be with me longer... Well, I guess life is full of uncertainties and I thank God that at least I am in a much better position than many people...

I do not know what my future holds but I'll try to live happily....

Wedding Anniversary

Exactly five years ago on 17 September 2006, Paul & I were married on the boat at sentosa. We had a small party with some close relatives and friends.. Looking back, though we were together as husband and wife only for 37months on this earth but we had a wonderful time despite him being diagnosed of stomach cancer in Jan 2008. Whenever i think of Paul, i can't help seeing him smiling at me. Although he was a very strict and super-organised person with a super quick temper but he had his hidden gentle demeanor which only i knew. He had always stayed by my side and gave me all the support i needed... His fighting spirit during his battle with the deadly disease was just amazing! I miss my hubby sooooooooooo much!

On this very special date i want to spend time away and reflect on this very special man of my life and continue to keep these beautiful memories.. I will never forget our marriage vows "..... in sickness and in health.... till death do we part...." I do not know what my future will be but i just want to continue to thank God for everything He had done for me.. without His strength, i'll not be able to be what i am today.

Praise God!

(with our 2 witnesses and very close friends, Eric & Joanne)

(with my mum)

(with paul's mum)

(beautiful roses)(my loving hubby)

aunty jenny's birthday celebrations

We had a early birthday celebrations for Aunty Jenny last night since Peter and Joel may not be around next week. It was as usual another great night with the Yong and Toh family. Lots of laughter, sharing, jokes, games, makan, drinks etc etc etc....

We are so happy to welcome our new member, Nikao Yong. He's such a adorable boy with strong vocal..

We want to thank God for blessing us with such a wonderful aunt. She is our pillar of strength and had looked after most of us since we were little.. She is our prayer warrior and she has never ceased to pray for all of us. Now that her birthday is drawing near, we want to pray for good health, peace, joy and love for world's best aunt!

We love you, aunty jenny!

105ians

22 months

Today is exactly 22 months Paul had left this temporary world. I had lunch with this couple yesterday whom paul and myself like very much. They used to visit paul when he was sick and gave us alot of encouragement and prayed for him constantly. I spent more than 3 hours with them and it was a good get-together.

Time really flies... it's coming to 2 years..... I miss my hubby in many ways and I thank God for giving me the strength to go on with my life without paul by my side.... I was soooooooooo lost initially and never expected to be able to cope so well. Though there are days i feel lost and lonely but somehow i can feel God's presence with me all these while. Praise God for His love, grace and mercy!

I am keeping myself busy with bowling, gym and just started the volunteer work with the children cancer foundation two weeks ago. I no longer work as hard as before as recognition is no longer important to me ever since my hubby fell sick... I used to think it was very important to be successful and being recognized by others but looking back, I don't think i was truly happy. I was proud of my achievements but didn't feel truly happy compared to the quality time i spent with my hubby especially during his battle with cancer. When i visited the orphanage in vietnam, i felt a great sense of satisfaction and happiness when i was able to spend time with the under-privileged kids.. I want to continue to look forward to sharing and spending time with the children cancer patients and their caregivers every week....these happiness is something that cannot compare with the financial gain.... God has blessed me with deals every month for my basic needs... Glory be to God!

I miss my darling dearly especially on 24th of every month. I know he's happy with what i am doing now and look forward to seeing him in paradise one day.....

Finally I started my first volunteer work at children cancer foundation at kk hospital yesterday. I was assigned to play with two cancer patients, one girl aged 8 and a boy aged 4. I felt so good after spending some time with them especially the 4yr old boy. He is such a smart boy who enjoys playing cooking game. I tested him on english and mathematics and was impressed with his answers. He just had his chemo but was still full of energy. There were 3 IVs running into his tiny body but he didn't seem tired at all. The other children in the ward were tired, feeling sick but this boy is so strong. I am very inspired by him and prayed silently for him.

Will continue to do whatever i can for these children and their caregivers. I felt sad when i heard that there are more children cancer patients lately. Well, i pray for strength, mercy, grace and love for all these children and their loved ones....

21 months

2 days ago was exactly my late hubby's 21 months anniversary. I arrived in Hokkaido on 22 July and had difficulty having access to wifi. Finally managed to post on this blog. This is the place Paul and myself planned to visit after he recovered but unfortunately he didn't make it. The weather is extremely hot(34deg) in the day but night is pretty cool. I followed the tour group and thank God that the members in my group are really nice, fun and there are a few brothers and sisters-in-Christ. We visited a few top gardens in Hokkaido and the lavender is beautiful but I know no matter how beautiful the flowers are, it's nothing compared to the flowers in paradise. Paul must be enjoying himself now.

I still think of him alot and wish he shares my happiness, frustrations, work, etc etc with me. I give thanks to God for His providence, grace and mercy.

20months

Today is exactly 20mths my hubby had left this temporary world. I miss him dearly and wish he's here with me to help me plan and make some important decision. I know he's interceding for me as I can still feel his presence with me most of the time. Though I feel lost at times especially whenever I get frustrated with works or personal matters, I just have to pray for strength, wisdom and discernment. I don't want to be impulsive and regret later and I truly hope that our family bonds and ties will continue to stay strong and that we will be a good testimony to others.

I thank God for His love, grace and mercy without which I can never be what I am today. Will try to live well and treasure all beautiful memories with my darling

19 months

Two days ago was Paul's 19th month anniversary. I had been pretty busy and didn't have the time to post it on this blog. I miss him very much especially when i went for a endoscopy on 19 May and found out that i had bleeding both in my gastric and large intestine. The gastric area wasn't as bad as the large intestine. When the doctor showed me the photos taken, i was terrified. I couldn't sleep well when i guessed it was going to be a diagnosis i wouldn't want to know. I regretted going for the scope. Doctor Tan told me he had sent tissues for biopsy and the results may be out approximately 5 days' time. I had sleepless night and when i asked for opinion from 2 other colon specialists, they didn't think it was good too.

I was praying and asking God for help and i told HIM that the worst scenerio i can accept is non-malignant and only operation needed but not the scary result - CANCER. I was scared and i know my family especially my mum and aunty jenny were very worried for me. I thank God that many people were praying for me at that time. I can't imagine if the biopsy results is going to be cancer as i can never forget what Paul went through during his last 22months.

2 days later, ie 21 May morning, i received a call from the clinic and the nurse told me results of the biopsy is out and Dr Tan would like to see me asap. I was so scared but at the same time thank God that the results is out sooner than expected.

When i went to the clinic at 1230pm, the first word i heard from Dr Tan was "good news for you lily......" i couldn't stop thanking God. The results were just chronic infections and he prescribed strong dosage of 3 different anti-biotic for me for 2 weeks. He then told me he was actually pretty surprised with the report as when he was doing the procedure, he didn't feel good about it as it was 50-50 chance of it being cancer. He also told me that it's good for me to scope early as there is a possibility of it turning malignant.

I know this is another miracle for me and our loving Father knows i will not be able to go through any treatment should i hear any bad news. I thought the minimum i had to go through was a op to remove the swollen and bloody portion of the large intestine but God gave me bonus as it turned out to be just chronic infections. I thank God for everything. He had sent someone to convince me to have the scope done or else I can't imagine what will happen.......

On the night of the endoscope, i couldn't help thinking of paul and only wished he is here with me to go through this scary episode...

I want to thank all my friends and loved ones for praying for me and I know God will never allow His children to suffer beyond what we can bear. I am also very thankful for this very good friend who not only convinced me to go for the scope, he even went to hear the results with me. On 21 May night, i brought him to Lighthouse miracle service and during the alter call, he went to accept Jesus and said the sinner's prayer. Now i truly believe everything happens for a reason. Glory be to God, our Lord and Saviour. and praise God for His love, grace and mercy.

Today is also a very special day for Joel. It is his graduation day! We rejoice with him and praise God for seeing him through everything and we are proud to see him more and more mature and compassionate. Well done, Joel!

Lily

18 months

Today is Paul's 18th month anniversary. My hubby must be having a great time in paradise. I miss him dearly especially now that I am in phnom Penh. This was the place I came with him sometime in 2006 before he was diagnosed. We used to go for short vacation every 2months or so since we couldn't afford to leave home too long due to the nature of my work and his airfreight business.

I know time heals but every 23rd and 24th day of the month, my heart just feel heavy somehow. Can't help thinking of my beloved hubby and the beautiful memories we shared. I know it's going to take awhile before I can completely let go and truly move on but as far as I am concerned now, I just want to enjoy thinking of him and treasure everything we used to share.

I thank God for my family and friends and I am truly blessed!

Praise God!

Happy 21st birthday, Jon!

(a proud grandma)

(with 105ians) (with the yongs)

(with the Lams)

(nice food prepared by Teck's chef)

(nice decor specially for Jon!)

(Jon with some of his beautiful and sexy gal friends)

(group photo)

(our handsome jonathan!)

Finally our dear Jonathan had reached adulthood! He celebrated his 21st birthday on 2nd April with his friends and the actual day with family and relatives. We are so happy to see Jonathan having a good time on both days. We thank God for him and pray that he will continue to be blessed richly in all areas of his life.

We are very proud of you, Jon!

Lov, 105ians

Pa's birthday

Today is Pa's birthday and i visited his tomb. Though he had gone home with the Lord almost 24 yrs ago but i will always remember this very special day. If he's around today, he would be 67 yrs old and a proud grandfather of two handsome grandsons aged 24 and 21 and a beautiful grand-daughter aged 16.

Many would say it's so sad that he passed on at such a young age but looking back, i know it's better for him to go home with the Lord than suffer in this world.

On this special day, I just want to express my love for this very dear dad of mine... Many may not think he was a great man but to me, he's the best!

Love and miss you always!

17 months

Today is exactly 17 months my hubby had gone home with the Lord. Whenever I think of Paul, i can't help feeling lonely and sad. Though my life had been pretty busy with new adventures, travel, etc but somehow there's some emptiness inside me. No one could replace the love i have for Paul and i know that i'll see him someday and he'll be sad to see me feeling lousy.

I'll try to continue to live well and keep all the beautiful memories inside my heart. I'll be going for a short trip again tomorrow as Saturday is Paul's birthday(if he's still around, he'll be turning 53). I just want to go away to spend this very special day away from home.

I miss him dearly:(

I will be leaving for Hong Kong in 2 hours' time. 105ians hardly bond lately as Peter, Julia and myself had been travelling quite frequently. Peter left again for business trip this morning, Julia came back from Thailand last week or so( can't keep track of our itinery anymore). Jonathan will be going to Europe after his ORD in April for 5 weeks.

I do miss our outings such as bowling, dining, chatting at our patio, playing games etc..
Anyway, I know and believe despite not spending as much time as before, we still love each other
And keeping all in prayers.

Will see them after 12 mar.

16 months

Today is exactly 16 months my dear hubby had gone home with the Lord. I still think of him frequently and miss him alot.

I know he's much happier now and will continue to keep the beautiful memories in my heart till we meet again.

15th month

Today is exactly 15 months my darling had gone home with the Lord. I am still missing him and am currently in hanoi/ sapa, Vietnam with some colleagues. This is our annual trip - leisure as well as some charity work.

Paul had wanted to join my colleagues when he was around but unfortunately he fell sick and didn't have a chance to visit these beautiful orphans and I am sure he would love sapa as it's so beautiful. My heart was filled with sadness and burden when we visited the orphanage on 22nd jan. We bought lots of stuffs for them, cooked lunch for them and played with them. They are mixtures of normal, handicap and sick orphans. Two blind girls, aged 7 & 10 caught my attention. The nun told us the 7 yr old has liver cancer and the 10 yr old has brain tumor. When I held their hands, I could feel they needed love and hugs badly. I felt so sad for them when I hugged and carried them. It was difficult to say goodbye but all I could do was to pray for them and hope they'll recover soon.

Another tragedy happened yesterday. Though I had been told how professional the pickpockets are in hanoi but I never expected it to happen to me. My camera was being stolen while I was shopping along the streets. I am so sad to lose this camera as I took so many pictures especially at the orphanage. Hope that after seeing the photos, he'll return me the SD card and he can keep the camera.

We've arrived in Sapa by overnight train this morning at 4am and it's freezing here. Will be visiting another orphanage in hanoi on Friday. One of my colleagues and myself are not feeling too well since 2 days ago; coughing and having sore throat. Thank God I am quite well prepared for this trip. Can't imagine what it's going to be like in korea.

Happy New Year!

105ians wish all a very healthy, wealthy & happy new year!

Blessed Christmas!

Yesterday was Paul's 14th month's anniversary and it was also christmas eve and we were all busy with the preparation for last night's party. Went over to the niche in the day to place some christmas decor together with Joel and Pam. I miss spending all the festive seasons with my hubby. If only he's still around, he would love the food, wine, games, gifts exchange, the fellowship etc etc. Well, I only can look forward to meeting him again someday....

It was another great bonding time and the food was good. The colour scheme for our party was "Green and Red" and we had the best dressed male and female award. Everyone was so sporting and we had so much fun and laughter as usual. The newly weds, Nieer and Ailing coincidentally won the prize for being the best dressed. Nieer also took time to edit their honeymoon photos and showed us lots of pictures.

We will be having another party with the Lams family at our place later this afternoon.

105ians want to wish all our loved ones, friends and relatives a very blessed and joyous christmas.

(nice group photos)

(best dressed male and female for the theme)

(feasting time...)

(games time...)

(hey.... why are they sooooooo excited????)

(gifts)

(3 of them waiting anxiously to unwrap their presents)

(4 wonderful sisters)

(mum with her 3 darlings)

(nice family photo)

(joel loving his gifts)

(jonathan showing off his $ and cheque(for his coming Europe trip)

(pam with the most gifts.. smile, pam!)

My birthday celebrations

I am thankful for all the gifts, flowers, dinners and drinks, cruise, etc etc etc organised by my friends and family. I feel very flattered to be pampered in these ways especially at this age. However, thanks for making my birthday celebrations such a long and memorable ones. I have not celebrated my birthday for so many nights for so long and i must say it's very very tiring.....

I still could recall how i used to celebrate my past birthdays with Paul . Unfortunately it's only for so few years. The only year we didn't go out to celebrate was in 2008 when he had the relapse. At that time, he had lost almost 15kg and was coughing and vomitting all the time. Doctor still couldn't detect the cancer cells until later. Though Paul was never a romantic guy but he would still try to write beautiful letters and cards on my birthdays and would keep telling me "happy birthday, darling" throughout the days and nights.

Looking back, i have been truly blessed in many ways and i pray that God will give me the wisdom and discernment and know when to do the right thing at the right time. I need the self-discipline which i lack. I know many friends and relatives are very concerned about my well being since Paul had gone home with the Lord. I want to take this opportunity to thank all my loved ones and good friends for standing by me all these time. No words could ever express how grateful i am.

Most importantly, i want to say "Abba Father, thank you for your Love, Grace and Mercy which is new every morning!"

Thanks everyone!

Lov,
Lily

13 months

Today is Paul's 13th month's anniversary and i can't help thinking of him again. I was at gleneagles medical centre few days ago for my ear check-up and i could visualize him being warded in and out of the hospital by ambulance; his chemo-therapy sessions at dr khoo's clinic; his strong desire to wanting to get out of the bed to walk several times a day, his unceasing fighting spirit etc etc etc.

My memories of my late hubby will always be an inspiration to me. He was someone full of energy regardless of how weak or frail he was, though he knew he was losing the battle to the disease but he had never blamed God but instead he would always quote the verse: "The joy of the Lord is my strength"(Nehemiah 8:10) whenever he experienced any discomfort or he felt discouraged. He even encouraged me to live well and was joyful and peaceful till the day he went home with the Lord.

Looking back, God has been great to me. Though doctors only gave him 3-6mths to live but he surprised the doctors and lived much longer than that. I just can't imagine if he had gone home much earlier. The time spent with him during his sickness was definitely most treasured and memorable compared to all the vacations we had. Our love had grown hundred/thousand/million folds during those days and it had moulded me into someone i could never imagine i could be.

Well, though paul's no longer with me physically but his spirit lives on and i will always treasure every moment spent with him.

It's been more than one month since i had my lasik and though my vision is better but i don't really like having mono-vision as it's affecting my bowling and my night driving is still abit blurry. Maybe i would go and get my right eye fixed too?

Finally our dearest cousin, Nieer's wedding is over. Our family had been busy with shopping for church and dinner dresses/gowns/heels/bags etc etc. It was a day we had been looking forward to for many years and we were all so excited. The church wedding was on 30 Oct and the wedding dinner was on 2nd Nov. God has answered our prayers as the weather was good and everything went thru beautifully. We are now looking forward to welcoming a junior Nieer/Ailing soon.

Congrats Nieer & Ailing!

(Church wedding)

(unique and nice wedding card)

(Wedding dinner at Inter-continental)